i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
