if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
