I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
