If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
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so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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