You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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