I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Duck Duck Cougar?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
