Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
