Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
