people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
