what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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