Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize