No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
