Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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