I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We need a shit load of segways right now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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