My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The air was thick with penises
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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