his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
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It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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