Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
