it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
