Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
