everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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