I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
