Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
