some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
