on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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