he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
