why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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