How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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