jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
