If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
