I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
