This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
