I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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