It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
