I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
