So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
