a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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