I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
