Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
