Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
