do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
