No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
