i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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