btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
