I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
