just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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