You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
