Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
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it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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