if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
