i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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