I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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