I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
