Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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