Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
