I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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