I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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