Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
