Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
