We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
