so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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